FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U).
TO: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Coordination Unit.
CC: Hewlett Venkklinne, Lead Negotiator: External Cognizance.
SUBJECT: Rent increases.

Dear Jacob,

Please see attached the official university response to the rent complaints.


LuVE-U has some of the best student accommodation in the North West of Lancashire, taking the title of Best University Halls in the Karaganda Architectural Gazette for seven of the last eight years.

In order to maintain the minimum standards expected by our students, we need to continually refurbish the entire campus and make the necessary investments – the rent rises present students with the opportunity to pay for more expensive and therefore better electricity and water, as well as a happier cleaning and portering workforce. You don’t want us to not pay the cleaners, do you?

These costs have been rising and it has been necessary to bring about an increase in student rent to reflect that cost. Rent at LuVE-U’s incomparable accommodation remains lower than at comparator accommodation providers, such as the Ritz, Emirates Palace, and the Westin Excelsior.


I also notice that you were complaining about the fact that we reduced your block grant this year. We figured that since you streamlined yourself and released 65% of your workforce last year that you wouldn’t be needing the money, and if you’re going to squander it on £249’s worth of lentils and ponce around campus with it, it’s clear that you don’t.

Kind regards, and I hope to continue our harmonious working relations,

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