FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U).
TO: ALL STAFF
CC: Hewlett Venklinne, Convenor of External Esteem (External).
SUBJECT: LuVE-U in the News!
I am delighted to announce the realisation of one of the key strategic aims set out in our five year plan. You may remember attaining the rank of ‘best university in the north west of Grassington’ and hiring 90% Knights of the Order of the Garter in all departments by the year 2030 as being key to this plan.
Attaining nationwide recognition as a serious sportsing university was also pretty high up on the list, and I can now reveal that LuVE-U has penetrated the public consciousness, attracting considerable media attention for its sportsing activities!
Our thanks must go to the LuVE-U Bobsleighers (LuVE-BS). Admittedly, I assumed that sports teams had to achieve something – like win a tournament or break a record or something – to attract such attention, but Hewlett tells me that the social side is important, and that if the Bobsleighers have broken any records, it’s the record for ‘most fun socials.’ Back of the net!
In other news, it has been suggested by the same newspapers that we at LuVE-U don’t take hate speech seriously. I was confused by this, but thankfully Hewlett was there as ever to untangle all the complex media jargon for me, and they are quite right – we don’t take hate speech seriously, we just ignore it and don’t let it bother us, otherwise that’s how the bullies win. [Hewlett — is that what you said before? Please check this before I sent it out to all the staff!!]
So, another good day for LuVE-U, I’m sure you’ll all agree!
[Also Hewlett – could you amend the PDFs of the 5 year plan to include what I said about us being good at sportsing. Thanks.]