FROM: Alan Pushers, Head of Technological Innovations and Solutions
TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U).
SUBJECT: The next stage
Following the seamless introduction of the Student Location University Geomonitoring Systems, I am pleased to say that moving forward we can move forward on the plan discussed at the Special Projects Committee to cascade this system to staff. As you know, we have little idea what staff are up to most of the time, where they spend their time, how productive they are being, even what value they are adding to LuVE-U. All this will now change with the data we will get from Productive Activity Time Surveillance System.
Before rolling it out, we did a quick test run of the system last week on a random staff member. Here are the results:
RESULTS FOR: Hewlett Venkklinne – Director of Public Disapproval Modification.
Total time spent – Location
4.5 hours – Local BMW second hand dealer
3.9 hours – Trafford Centre
1.4 hours – At his desk
7.2 hours – Senior Leadership Lounge
1.1 hours – Trapped in wheelchair accessible toilet when door wouldn’t open and no one responded to the alarm
4.9 hours – Googled: ‘Tips and Hairstyles for Balding Men.’
1.3 hours – Toni and Guys
0.5 hours – Googled: ‘How to take a screenshot on a Mac.’
7.5 hours – Browsing: Vogue Magazine models
1.6 hours – Google Images: Students in graduation robe
3.3 hours – Browsing: wikihow.com/photoshop-basics
4.5 hours – Browsing www.beingaleader.net
FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U)
TO: Hewlett Venkklinne – Director of Public Disapproval Modification.
Photoshopping supermodels onto the prospectus and marketing materials are we? Don’t deny it, I know you are.
Genius strategy – you’re worth every penny.
PS. Do you think I should keep using Viviscal?