I had always been told that I am smart by family and friends, and I had always found academic work easy. I started my PhD in Psychology at Lancaster University in 2019. Within the first year of my research I began experiencing more and more symptoms of anxiety and depression. I began eating and sleeping less, hitting myself, and experiencing panic attacks on a weekly basis. This continued for the next two years, until three days before I submitted my thesis I attempted to take my own life.
Thankfully, my partner had asked me to contact Minds Matter and my GP for support several weeks before the event, and I began receiving medical support and counselling very soon after. Counselling was incredibly useful. I learned that my success in academia had come to represent my entire identity, so that when confronted with a challenge I couldn’t easily overcome my whole personality suffered. Since then I’ve focused on cultivating those other aspects of my life that make me who I am, so that my work and my academic success isn’t my life. Your work is not the most important part of who you are.
Keywords: Academic stress; Anxiety; Depression; Suicide;