As a child I had a comfortable upbringing with parents who cared about me and for me. But I learned that I should hide my feelings and present a “hard” exterior. I had to appear to be “in control” and capable of dealing with situations. I realise now that this was not really who I was and I now recognise that I was (and am) a gentle person with strong feelings who needs to be able to express those feelings: to love and be loved; to be angry and upset; to be frustrated, tetchy, cross. To be an emotional being.
As I suppressed my emotions, I created an inner ‘pressure-cooker’. I had learnt to not express my feelings nor to talk openly about them, so I had no way of ‘letting off steam’. The pressure built as I found it difficult to ask for what I wanted and to set boundaries with others. I took on responsibility for others as I allowed them to overstep my unspoken boundaries. I felt overwhelmed with the level of responsibility that I was carrying. In 2017, after more than 40 years of pressure building, I “broke”.
As a Living Book, I want to share my experience of living with overwhelm and my journey to setting boundaries, maintaining perspective, and letting off steam.
Keywords: Breakdown; Overwhelm; Emotional labour;