I was just five years old when my Dad became seriously ill with heart disease. After nine years of attempts to treat his illness, we lost him when I was just 14 years old. My early childhood was characterised by anxiety about illness as a result, and following his death, my teenage years were characterised by the reactions of my other family members to his loss.
Both my Mum and my brother were deeply affected by losing my Dad, becoming alcoholics and exhibiting extremely erratic behaviour. I felt that I had to be the sensible and consistent member of the family and I did my utmost to care for them both. This meant that I lost much of the ‘normal’ existence of the average teenager as I struggled to pursue my studies alongside my caring responsibilities. At that time, my friends and teachers became an incredibly important support network for me, offering respite from what was a turbulent home life.
The subsequent years have been full of peaks and troughs, often at unexpected times – the grieving process doesn’t have a set trajectory, nor is it time limited. I feel that it’s important to accept this and to explore all associated feelings. No two people will have the same experience or react to it in the same way.
For me, I have developed a framework for coping which works for me – but I have needed to give myself time to work through this. My approach involves self-care as a means to live a fulfilling life – this includes talking about my experiences with others, and although this may not be the same for everyone I am keen to share my approach in the hope that it may help others going through a similar experience.
Many years after losing my Dad, I can confidently say that he guides much of my actions and interactions, and in this way I am keeping his memory alive as well as navigating everyday life.
Keywords: Bereavement;