I was seventeen when I first learned that my mind could turn against my body. I was doing my A-levels and I started experiencing abdominal pain. A gastroscopy revealed an inflamed area but tests identified no physical cause. The conclusion was that the physical symptoms were psychosomatic. I briefly saw a psychiatrist, just one or two sessions, but thereafter I dealt, or perhaps more accurately didn’t deal, with it on my own. There may have been some self-medication! Over time the symptoms disappeared and I got on with life. I did my degree, a masters, a PhD and got a job as a lecturer, everything seemed fine.
Then around 2012 I started experiencing abdominal pain again, only now it seemed to be in my kidneys and groin. The other difference this time was that I was also experiencing anxiety attacks. Multiple scans and tests again revealed no physical cause. Coupled with the anxiety attacks, the conclusion was again that the pains were the physical manifestation of frustration and anger about circumstances in my personal life. Changes to my circumstances, the source of my anger and anxiety, again led to the symptoms disappearing. My tendency to not recognise or not deal with my feelings, much less to talk about them to others, led to these experiences. I don’t know that I am less likely to react in the same way now, except perhaps that I am better able to recognise when such things might be happening and what might be causing them.
Keywords: Somatisation; “Psychosomatic”; Anxiety; Unexplained pain;