{"id":834,"date":"2018-11-23T16:23:06","date_gmt":"2018-11-23T16:23:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/?p=834"},"modified":"2018-11-29T16:46:27","modified_gmt":"2018-11-29T16:46:27","slug":"short-shart-shock","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/11\/23\/short-shart-shock\/","title":{"rendered":"SHORT SHART SHOCK"},"content":{"rendered":"

FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U).<\/span>
\nTO: ALL STAFF<\/span>
\nCC: Hewlett Venklinne, Convenor of External Esteem (External).<\/span>
\nSUBJECT: LuVE-U in the News!<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear all,<\/span><\/p>\n

I am delighted to announce the realisation of one of the key strategic aims set out in our five year plan. You may remember attaining the rank of ‘best university in the north west of Grassington’ and hiring 90% Knights of the Order of the Garter in all departments by the year 2030 as being key to this plan.<\/span><\/p>\n

Attaining nationwide recognition as a serious sportsing university was also pretty high up on the list, and I can now reveal that LuVE-U has penetrated the public consciousness, attracting considerable media attention for its sportsing activities!<\/span><\/p>\n

Our thanks must go to the LuVE-U Bobsleighers (LuVE-BS). Admittedly, I assumed that sports teams had to achieve something \u2013 like win a tournament or break a record or something \u2013 to attract such attention, but Hewlett tells me that the social side is important, and that if the Bobsleighers have broken any records, it’s the record for ‘most fun socials.’ Back of the net!<\/span><\/p>\n

In other news, it has been suggested by the same newspapers that we at LuVE-U don’t take hate speech seriously. I was confused by this, but thankfully Hewlett was there as ever to untangle all the complex media jargon for me, and they are quite right \u2013 we don’t take hate speech seriously, we just ignore it and don’t let it bother us, otherwise that’s how the bullies win. [Hewlett — is that what you said before? Please check this before I sent it out to all the staff!!]<\/span><\/p>\n

So, another good day for LuVE-U, I’m sure you’ll all agree!<\/span><\/p>\n

Best wishes,<\/span>
\nMike.<\/span><\/p>\n

[Also Hewlett \u2013 could you amend the PDFs of the 5 year plan to include what I said about us being good at sportsing. Thanks.]<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). TO: ALL STAFF CC: Hewlett Venklinne, Convenor of External Esteem (External). SUBJECT: LuVE-U in the News! Dear all, I am delighted to announce the realisation of one of the key … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":568,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[429,435],"class_list":["post-834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-shart-attack","tag-issue-183","tag-snowsports-society"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p99sHo-ds","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":207,"url":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/11\/23\/shart-attack-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":834,"position":0},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"November 23 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). TO: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Coordination Unit. CC: Hewlett Venkklinne, Lead Negotiator: External Cognizance. SUBJECT: Rent increases. Dear Jacob, Please see attached the official university response to the rent complaints. ** LuVE-U has some of the best student\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":705,"url":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/09\/13\/shart-attack-11\/","url_meta":{"origin":834,"position":1},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"September 13 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Far be it from the subtext collective to be inward-looking and disinterested in the goings on at other universities. Thanks to a source, we have frequently been able to attain private email exchanges between Mike M. Shart, the Vice-Chancellor of Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U), and various members of his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":339,"url":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/02\/15\/shart-attack-6\/","url_meta":{"origin":834,"position":2},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"February 15 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Co-ordination Unit. TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U); Jan Huelier, President, LuVE-U UCUnison. SUBJECT: UCUnison action. Dear both, I am writing to you regarding the outcome of the SECU\u2019s discussion on the impending strike action. I know that over\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":542,"url":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/05\/10\/shart-attack-9\/","url_meta":{"origin":834,"position":3},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"May 10 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Enoch Benito McAdolf, President, LuVE-U White Christian Preservation Society TO: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Co-ordination Unit Dear Jacob, I would like to thank you for disregarding the absurd notion that I am trying to set up some kind of Nazi society. Advocating for the preservation of a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":250,"url":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/12\/07\/shart-attack-4\/","url_meta":{"origin":834,"position":4},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"December 7 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Alan Pushers, Head of Technological Innovations and Solutions TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). SUBJECT: The next stage Dear Mike, Following the seamless introduction of the Student Location University Geomonitoring Systems, I am pleased to say that moving forward we can move forward on the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":121,"url":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/10\/26\/shart-attack-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":834,"position":5},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"October 26 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Chris Heaton Harris, MP for Daventry. TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U) Dear Professor Shart, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to supply me with the names of professors at your establishment who are involved in the teaching of European affairs,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/834","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/568"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=834"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/834\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":835,"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/834\/revisions\/835"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=834"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=834"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=834"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}