{"id":664,"date":"2018-06-21T09:56:10","date_gmt":"2018-06-21T09:56:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/?p=664"},"modified":"2018-08-09T09:58:21","modified_gmt":"2018-08-09T09:58:21","slug":"shart-attack-10","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/06\/21\/shart-attack-10\/","title":{"rendered":"SHART ATTACK"},"content":{"rendered":"

FROM: Chas Phockwoddes, Lead Male Member: Child Services, Lune Valley County Council<\/span>
\nTO: Hewlett Venklinne, Provost of Press<\/span>
\nCC: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U)<\/span>
\nSUBJECT: Cathy Smithen-Wesson Comments on Floods<\/span><\/p>\n

Cathy Smithen-Wesson’s utterly ubiquitous response to the floods <\/span><\/p>\n

Councillor Chas Phockwoddes is today TRIGGERING the absent Lune Valley MP Cathy Smithen-Wesson with FACTS AND LOGIC following her recent comments regarding the November floods. <\/span><\/p>\n

‘Cathy Smithen-Wesson’s exegeses in last week’s paper were so ubiquitous. She inculpitates the Government for the Lune Valley floods, yet ignores the fact her Labour-run City Council is proposing to build five hundred million houses right on the bank of the River Lune, and has specifically hired builders with one star ratings on Google Reviews and instructed them to ensure maximum subsidence so that decent hard working voters end up in the river while they’re innocently taking a bath, all covered in rubble, like. Even last week yet another bleedin’ application was pushed through by the casting vote of one Labour Councillor. Is he having a laugh or what? It’s absolutely ubiquitous! Why won’t Cathy lay off the epidural drugs for five minutes, get on the dog and bone and tell her old chinas to leave it out? All she’s done is had her barnet done and gone out to take a few dolly mixtures with the locals, whereas I’ve done loads of stuff! I mean do me a favour. It just goes to show doesn’t it?’<\/span><\/p>\n

ENDS<\/span><\/p>\n

For any further information, please contact me. I’m available at all hours of the day, every day, to talk about absolutely anything, not just this. I’m happy to be featured in any way I can in anything that you decide to run. Just get in touch. Always happy to help. Can do radio and telly too if that’s more your bag. I look great on the telly. Just let me know. <\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U).<\/span>
\nTO: Hewlett Venklinne, Provost of Press.<\/span>
\nSUBJECT: FWD:<\/span><\/p>\n

Hewlett — This press release was, as I understand it, sent to every media outlet in the local area regardless of relevance to the publication or veracity of the facts contained therein. This press release was written by its own subject, demonstrating excessive hubris and conviction bordering on self-delusion, and attacks its organisation’s competition with scant regard for cooperation, respect, and an understanding of the facts of the issue it discusses. On top of that it is dripping with insincerity, relies on cheeky chappie bluster to get ahead, and will likely be lapped up by people susceptible to superficial charm.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why can’t we do more stuff like that?<\/span><\/p>\n

Mike.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FROM: Chas Phockwoddes, Lead Male Member: Child Services, Lune Valley County Council TO: Hewlett Venklinne, Provost of Press CC: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U) SUBJECT: Cathy Smithen-Wesson Comments on Floods Cathy Smithen-Wesson’s utterly ubiquitous response to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":568,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[381,374,341],"class_list":["post-664","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-shart-attack","tag-flooding","tag-issue-180","tag-local-politics"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p99sHo-aI","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":121,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/10\/26\/shart-attack-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":664,"position":0},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"October 26 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Chris Heaton Harris, MP for Daventry. TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U) Dear Professor Shart, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to supply me with the names of professors at your establishment who are involved in the teaching of European affairs,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":289,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/01\/18\/shart-attack-5\/","url_meta":{"origin":664,"position":1},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"January 18 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Lord Rod E.L. Girdle, Pro-Chancellor, Lune Valley Enterprise University. TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). DATE: 13\/1\/2018, 03:45AM SUBJECT: New Appointment Mike, I trssust your well. Listen I\u2019m just art a gatheringt in London, and who shouild I run into but Toby Young? I have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":705,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/09\/13\/shart-attack-11\/","url_meta":{"origin":664,"position":2},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"September 13 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Far be it from the subtext collective to be inward-looking and disinterested in the goings on at other universities. Thanks to a source, we have frequently been able to attain private email exchanges between Mike M. Shart, the Vice-Chancellor of Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U), and various members of his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":339,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/02\/15\/shart-attack-6\/","url_meta":{"origin":664,"position":3},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"February 15 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Co-ordination Unit. TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U); Jan Huelier, President, LuVE-U UCUnison. SUBJECT: UCUnison action. Dear both, I am writing to you regarding the outcome of the SECU\u2019s discussion on the impending strike action. I know that over\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":469,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/03\/15\/shart-attack-8\/","url_meta":{"origin":664,"position":4},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"March 15 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). TO: Hewlett.Venkklinne123@blueyonder.co.uk SUBJECT: Interview with student journalist Hi Hewlett, I trust you\u2019re well. I was just writing to show you how well the department has been functioning since I subsumed your responsibilities. Only the other day, I did an interview\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":250,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/12\/07\/shart-attack-4\/","url_meta":{"origin":664,"position":5},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"December 7 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Alan Pushers, Head of Technological Innovations and Solutions TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). SUBJECT: The next stage Dear Mike, Following the seamless introduction of the Student Location University Geomonitoring Systems, I am pleased to say that moving forward we can move forward on the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/664","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/568"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=664"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/664\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":665,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/664\/revisions\/665"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=664"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=664"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=664"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}