{"id":250,"date":"2017-12-07T15:24:17","date_gmt":"2017-12-07T15:24:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/?p=250"},"modified":"2018-01-05T15:47:47","modified_gmt":"2018-01-05T15:47:47","slug":"shart-attack-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/12\/07\/shart-attack-4\/","title":{"rendered":"SHART ATTACK"},"content":{"rendered":"

FROM: Alan Pushers, Head of Technological Innovations and Solutions<\/span>
\nTO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U).<\/span>
\nSUBJECT: The next stage<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Mike,<\/span><\/p>\n

Following the seamless introduction of the Student Location University Geomonitoring Systems, I am pleased to say that moving forward we can move forward on the plan discussed at the Special Projects Committee to cascade this system to staff. As you know, we have little idea what staff are up to most of the time, where they spend their time, how productive they are being, even what value they are adding to LuVE-U. All this will now change with the data we will get from Productive Activity Time Surveillance System.<\/span><\/p>\n

Before rolling it out, we did a quick test run of the system last week on a random staff member. Here are the results:<\/span><\/p>\n

RESULTS FOR: Hewlett Venkklinne \u2013 Director of Public Disapproval Modification.<\/span>
\nTotal time spent – Location<\/span>
\n4.5 hours – Local BMW second hand dealer<\/span>
\n3.9 hours – Trafford Centre<\/span>
\n1.4 hours – At his desk<\/span>
\n7.2 hours – Senior Leadership Lounge<\/span>
\n1.1 hours – Trapped in wheelchair accessible toilet when door wouldn’t open and no one responded to the alarm<\/span>
\n4.9 hours – Googled: ‘Tips and Hairstyles for Balding Men.’<\/span>
\n1.3 hours – Toni and Guys<\/span>
\n0.5 hours – Googled: ‘How to take a screenshot on a Mac.’<\/span>
\n7.5 hours – Browsing: Vogue Magazine models<\/span>
\n1.6 hours – Google Images: Students in graduation robe<\/span>
\n3.3 hours – Browsing: wikihow.com\/photoshop-basics<\/span>
\n4.5 hours – Browsing www.beingaleader.net<\/span><\/p>\n

Alan.<\/span><\/p>\n

***<\/span><\/p>\n

FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U)<\/span>
\nTO: Hewlett Venkklinne \u2013 Director of Public Disapproval Modification.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hewlett,<\/span><\/p>\n

Photoshopping supermodels onto the prospectus and marketing materials are we? Don’t deny it, I know you are.<\/span><\/p>\n

Genius strategy – you’re worth every penny. <\/span><\/p>\n

Mike.<\/span><\/p>\n

PS. Do you think I should keep using Viviscal?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FROM: Alan Pushers, Head of Technological Innovations and Solutions TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). SUBJECT: The next stage Dear Mike, Following the seamless introduction of the Student Location University Geomonitoring Systems, I am pleased to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":568,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[52,178],"class_list":["post-250","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-shart-attack","tag-attendance-monitoring","tag-issue-170"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p99sHo-42","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":705,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/09\/13\/shart-attack-11\/","url_meta":{"origin":250,"position":0},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"September 13 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Far be it from the subtext collective to be inward-looking and disinterested in the goings on at other universities. Thanks to a source, we have frequently been able to attain private email exchanges between Mike M. Shart, the Vice-Chancellor of Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U), and various members of his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":339,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/02\/15\/shart-attack-6\/","url_meta":{"origin":250,"position":1},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"February 15 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Co-ordination Unit. TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U); Jan Huelier, President, LuVE-U UCUnison. SUBJECT: UCUnison action. Dear both, I am writing to you regarding the outcome of the SECU\u2019s discussion on the impending strike action. I know that over\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":542,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/05\/10\/shart-attack-9\/","url_meta":{"origin":250,"position":2},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"May 10 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Enoch Benito McAdolf, President, LuVE-U White Christian Preservation Society TO: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Co-ordination Unit Dear Jacob, I would like to thank you for disregarding the absurd notion that I am trying to set up some kind of Nazi society. Advocating for the preservation of a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":834,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2018\/11\/23\/short-shart-shock\/","url_meta":{"origin":250,"position":3},"title":"SHORT SHART SHOCK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"November 23 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). TO: ALL STAFF CC: Hewlett Venklinne, Convenor of External Esteem (External). SUBJECT: LuVE-U in the News! Dear all, I am delighted to announce the realisation of one of the key strategic aims set out in our five year plan. You\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":121,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/10\/26\/shart-attack-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":250,"position":4},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"October 26 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Chris Heaton Harris, MP for Daventry. TO: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U) Dear Professor Shart, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to supply me with the names of professors at your establishment who are involved in the teaching of European affairs,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":207,"url":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/2017\/11\/23\/shart-attack-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":250,"position":5},"title":"SHART ATTACK","author":"Johnny Unger","date":"November 23 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"FROM: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U). TO: Jacob Woolly, President, LuVE-U Student Experience Coordination Unit. CC: Hewlett Venkklinne, Lead Negotiator: External Cognizance. SUBJECT: Rent increases. Dear Jacob, Please see attached the official university response to the rent complaints. ** LuVE-U has some of the best student\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "shart attack"","block_context":{"text":"shart attack","link":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/category\/shart-attack\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/250","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/568"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=250"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/250\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":251,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/250\/revisions\/251"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=250"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=250"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/wp.lancs.ac.uk\/subtext\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=250"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}